Life is a Highway...and an especially bumpy one here

Wow...what a crazy couple of weeks it has been! Since the staff retreat, it seems it took two weeks to catch up from being gone for two days. After two months of being here, and I don't know if I've said this before, but being a missionary is getting harder by the day and not easier. My love and distaste for this place is all in the same most days. Pressures are starting to set in as I get settled and feel I want to do more than just teach while I am here. There are needs everywhere it seems and not enough time or energy to reach them all. By needs, I am not just meaning the Kenyans, but fellow missionaries. It seems everyone is dealing with culture stresses in different ways and I am learning more and more each day that I cannot do this on my own strength, but with God's. It's hard to even describe the daily battles one faces here. In fact, last weekend, as my whole family flew to Florida for my nephews five year old birthday, and I was so far away, I was asking God why?! Why did he lay this burden on my heart to be here? Why does he want to use me here and not someone else more qualified? Surely there's someone better equipped to take my position, to be a better teacher, a better friend, a better family member. I love my friends and family so much...why was I called so far away from them? If you have never felt a calling before or a burden on your heart strongly for something, you don't realize that you can't ignore it. This plan for me to be here has been in the works for 8 years...or maybe more, but 8 that I am aware of. I tried to do my own thing and live life my own way, but the desire didn't go away, nor the burden. Best thing to do in those situations...give in...don't fight it. So I finally did, and now, away from everyone near and dear to me. Anyway, God has been working on me with that one, and showing me that He will get me through this and that I'm not alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not miserable or anything. I've been provided with great friends here, mentor's, and an incredible opportunity to see a part of the world I never thought I'd get to experience. But it isn't easy, not for one second. During staff devotions one morning, a statement was read to us..."some days being a missionary is adventurous, but most days, it's just working." It's so true! So I am going to get off my pitty party and let you know that struggles aside...work has been going well. I got to take my kids to the Animal Orphanage in Kenya where they got to see cheetah's, monkeys, lions, lion cubs, and all sorts of neat animals. Now that is when I think being here is pretty awesome. I love that my kids get to experience this as well as myself. I hope as the honeymoon wears off more and more, that I will still be able to see and realize the purpose of what God has me here for...and that I won't forget...above all, it's to serve Him and further his kingdom. It is worth it.

This might be a long one...

Well, this weekend was our staff retreat. We got to take a day off of school and head out of the city about 30 minutes to a beautiful place called Brakenhurst. It is surrounded with tea fields and open country. Any chance we get to leave the smoggy city and head out into the beautiful land of Kenya I feel refreshed. I have to admit though, I was not wanting to go on this retreat at all. I find though, usually when I adamantly don't want to do something, it is usually because I am going to learn something and be stretched in a way I don't want to. Needless to say, that is exactly what happened.

Before going on any further, I need to reemphasize, if I haven't in previous posts, that my community is extremely small right now. I live with the people I socialize with and work with. I have zero independence, no way or no where to go to be alone. So part of why I didn't want to go this weekend is because as much as I love these people, I just wanted to be alone. But...I'm not here for me. God has a work to do in me and through me and in order to do that, I have to do stuff I don't want to do. And ask our chaplain or anyone who was around me the week before we left, I made it known I was not happy about going (pouting I think it's called). However, as soon as we reached our location, I was thrilled to be there. This place was beautiful and peaceful. I had a chance to slow down and spend time with people I needed to spend time with. I had time to sit and be convicted and listen to what the Holy Spirit wanted to teach me....and it's a lot.

Our whole theme for the weekend was dealing with conflict and examining ourselves in our actions, thoughts, and words towards others. The thing that stuck out to me the most was when our chaplain, Mike Bussell, said that we are here to do God's work. No matter what, God's plan is going to prevail. We can either be a part of that plan and enjoy the blessing of being a part of it, or we can tear each other down and miss out on the awesome experience of seeing God's plan work out. I definitely want to be a part of the blessing and experience the joy that comes from that. And what a life lesson to learn not only for here, but in general. I wish everyone could understand the incredible gift of following God's plan and allowing him to love and reward you. I'm not saying I always die to my own desires and follow his plan perfectly by any means, but when I do seek and follow him wholeheartedly, it is so so sweet. I only hope I can grow in such a way here that I follow him a little bit more easily each day. Anyway, I think I'm on a soap box so I'll get off now. It was just such a refreshing and great weekend I had to share.

Huge revival is happening at our school. Kids are coming to Christ, kids are seeking discipleship and spiritual growth. Things are happening that have never happened before. Sooo....Satan does not want that to happen and will seek to steal, kill, and destroy. Best way to do that is to break a staff apart. However, I do feel, this weekend was a huge blow to what Satan is trying to do, because God has big plans for this school and the children that attend. I am excited to be a part of such a revival and look forward to seeing how God is going to use this weekend to grow us stronger as a staff, in turn helping our school grow stronger. Expect huge things, it's going to be exciting!